It's funny how people change.

How I always make friends with my exes, after about a year.

and how now that he's got the shit knocked out of him a couple of times, Emmanuel (ex of looooonnng time.) ... Is very attractive to me. It's just strange.

It really makes me wonder, whether life holds more than one person that could make me happy, or anyone, for that matter.

Not saying I'd drop Josh for anyone, I wouldn't.

But, if that's true, it makes what I'm doing for Josh, and what he's doing for me with the distance, a whole lot less special.

It's hard seeing a person, whom.. I was in love with his potential, and eventually dumped him because his *potential* didn't cut it, develop that *potential* that I was once in love with, after being smacked around a bit.
and then, see Joshua, my love... my gorgeous, amazing boy...
struggle with treating me respectfully.
struggle with being that man that, at one point, had every bit of quality I desired...
because of depression.

It's hard. It's hard, because, even though I'm hoping this is just for a little bit of time-- it's hard seeing that.

and then it makes me wonder.

God is definitely holding out Josh for me for a reason, I would love to see why.

Seriously, I want to know what you think...
and Brian, I know you're the only one who reads this.

Call me soon.